The Support of a "Tom"

I have two friends with whom I can sit and ponder the mysteries of the world with. We can sit and discuss and re-discuss topics for hours, the topics usually being boys, food/diets, and any self revelations and epiphanies we have discovered. The boys and food are generally the topics which give berth to the epiphanies and self-revelations and discoveries. We love to get into the depths of why we would do something a certain way, how we can change certain patterns or behaviors, why we continually will participate in a love-hate relationship, etc.... In the end we always come up with a plan for change, one person always giving their opinion and any advice or forewarnings, and then giving their unwavering support (barring that the plan would be detrimental to one’s health). No matter how many times we go over the same topic, and many times come to the same result, we always offer our support. This is the basis of our friendship. The support that we always have for each other through anything and everything.

People need friends like this in their lives. They are a necessity. Of course not every friend needs to be like this, as there are other qualities that make people a good friend, such as the ability to make one laugh. At least one friend, however,  who is willing to listen and support you through everything is a necessity in getting you through the hardships of life. In A Question of Power, by Bessie Head, a character named Tom plays this role for the protagonist, Elizabeth. Tom is a young man from the Unites States who graduated from college with a degree in agriculture. He had come to Africa to promote farmer’s youth-development work-groups in many different parts of the country. When Elizabeth first meets Tom, to her he is a happy-go-lucky boy who reminds her of her son. He is a strong hand to help her and Kenosi with things in the garden that they cannot do. Never did she imagine that he would transform into a true friend who would help her to cling to her sanity, forgive her when she lost it, and be there to help her climb out of hell and piece her life back together.

Tom stayed in the dormitory with the other students, and frequently was invited to eat diner at other people’s houses. He became a frequent visitor at Elizabeth’s house. They talked about authors that they liked, the news, and more personal matters such as their opinions on Black Power and philosophical topics. She even began to share some of the wisdom she had acquired on her soul-searching journey. Through these discussions, they develop a deep friendship and Elizabeth soon ask Tom for his support. “‘Tom, you like to take care of people. Will you take care of me the way you care for others?’... he said with a still, cold intensity: ‘Willingly.’” (Pg. 136).

Tom endures many of Elizabeth’s outbursts through their friendship, some of which are directed at him, yet he is still there to support her. He withstands her when she is almost insinuating that he is a homosexual, and when she declares him a member of the Ku Klux Klan. When she has a mental breakdown he goes to visit her in the hospital and she has him sent away with a note saying, “‘Tom, I never even want to see you again, now or for the rest of eternity.’” (Pg. 182). Yet even after that he still comes to see her when she is released from the hospital. It is this persistent support and kindness that keeps Elizabeth afloat and finally saves her. He refuses to give up on Elizabeth, being there to support her no matter how low she goes. Through one tender comment on how she loves everyone and everything, he saves her: “Her soul-death was really over in that instant, though she did not realize it” (Pg. 188).

If I did not have this type of friend in my life, my life would be in a sad state. The “Toms” of the world are there through thick and thin. They are the ones that you share both your happiness and your tragedies with. They allow you to learn and grow while still being there for you when you fall flat on your face. They let you learn the hard, stubborn way, and will be there afterwards, without throwing an “I told you so!” in your face. It is through their support and compassion that we are strong enough to face and survive the hardships in our lives, just as it was through Tom’s support and compassion that Elizabeth was able to face and survive her “journey through hell.”